Woodchuck Wisdom

I get asked a lot about how I can spend so many hours in the office.... Check out my view.... I just love how it changes from minute to minute....

5 week trip Total miles on the road: 6100 miles (93.84 hours at 65 MPH, new butt should arrive next Wednesday) Total miles in the air: 2500 miles Total caffeine consumed: way to much I've seen everything from snow to sun, rain to clear sky's, and bright blue to dark grey. I have driven from sea level to 6500'. One flight took me to 39,000'. There are no Starbucks in Kalispell, MT. I checked out two local joints and found the caffeine content to be a little low. I love Kalispell and would move there if they had a Trader Joes and Starbucks. The hills, trees, and 70 MPH speed limit on back two lane roads. Life is good in MT. Next Monday is my 14 year anniversaries. How can I remember my anniversaries you ask? As most of you know I am a GM Woodchuck. My two favorite GM motors are the 327 small block and the 427 big block. My anniversaries is on March 27. (3/27.....327...) 14 years even after her mother canceled the wedding. That's a story in itself.

Ok, I guess that Mr. Squirrel is moving on up in the world. He just traded in his old RV for a new one.

I see the Squirrels that live in the next hole over are headed out for some vacation time.

Here is Secret Squirrel at the local Starbucks chatting it up with a friend. The squirrels you meet at coffee shops. At least he fits in with the locals. And did you notice his Secret Squirrel mug?

Here I am sitting in the most gorgeous country with a great IPA, blue sky, nice white puffy clouds for aesthetic purpose, and me with no bottle opener..... Where is a beaver when you need one??

Kalispell, MT. 6am "check" need caffeine...no Starbucks, and no local coffee shops open at this time of the day......"check" Sit in St Regis, MT for one hour on a lame #$% conference call....."CHECK" Drop off Secret Squirrel at his hole in North Seattle at 2pm....."check" Pick up the little rodents in Vancouver, WA. at 6pm...."check" Stops at starbucks...2 Fuel stops.....2 Weather....snow, sun, rain, sleet, hail temp range....10-51 degrees. Black truck...now white with dirt. Total miles.... 758 Total miles since this little 5 week tour started.....5500 miles. That rounds out to 74 hours driving at 75 mph. I need to get a new butt, this one is numb.

View from the flight deck in BF Montana... I saw a Bald Eagle, Buffalo, Elk, Hawks, Rabbits, Deer, Skunk, and some big furry thing in the ditch. I also saw a Squirrel begging for ales in the snow......

I know that this is hard to see, but as I was leaving Kalispell, MT today at 6am in the god forsaken morning. The street lights were flashing amber in sequence. I felt like I was being cleared for takeoff... "A GMC19er you are cleared for takeoff runway main street right" "Climb to 70mph and hold a south heading for 27 miles and come to a heading of west for 600 miles"

"Make sure the squirrel is fresh, if not, skip the squirrel and go stright to the booze. " Thank you Mr. Travel Penguin A point well made by a fellow traveling friend.

Roadkill Squirrel Squares 1 Flattened squirrel 1 Bottle of booze, home made 2 c Vegetables Collard greens White rice, cooked Find a flattened Roadkill squirrel and pick out all the little hairs. Take it to the country kitchen and cut it into one inch squares. Marinate it overnight in a bowl of some homemade booze. Then dice some veggies mix with squirrel and fry `em in a skillet. Take the homemade booze left in your bowl and tip it up, and kill it. Cook your diced veggies and your squirrel until they smell real nice. Serve `em with some collard greens upon a pile of cooked white rice.

It's Secret Squirrel to save the day.....

As you can see, they are just to honest about wanting another ale. Please Sir, can I have some more? Just one more and the Praire Dog at the end of the bar should look just about right. No Mr. osssiffferrrr, I'ev onlyy hasaad oooneee piiinnnnnn"burb"t. Leet mmeee waddle the llline. ( Which is easy for a Squirrel since the line is wider than they are) Ok, sometimes I just crack my furry little butt up...

As a traveling Woodchuck I come to Sunny California for the sun. I'm here and there is no sun. Just how is furry little woodland creature suppose to sun themselves like a lizard on a flat rock with no sun? Today on the weather they said snow down to 500 feet on Friday. WTF, am I back home or what? Right now it's 48 degrees where I'm located. I want the sun. The beach is very nice down here in nonsunny California, I'm in Pacifica, CA. And having fun looking out my hotel window and not being able to go play outside. So what is it about people that live at the beach in CA? I asked someone for directions and they told me that "I live on the beach, I don't know" Now this would not be anything special, except that it just happened a month ago in La Jolla. So, if you live on the beach you have no brain function, or did they just inhale it away? I'm now off to find some Hops and Barley that has been mixed with water to create the sweet nectar of Hop heads ever

I just love the airport. The funniest people get on airplanes. Some dress up like they are going to the Prom, while others look like they just got out of bed. I can sit here for hours and look at everyone. Things I hate about flying are people getting through TSA check points. Let's get a few things cleared up. 1. Take your shoes off first. 2. Take all of the Sh$% out of your pockets first. 3. You do not need to take everything on the plane with you, that is why airlines have check bags. 4. Be ready for it, I hate when people get to the front of the line and then start getting ready and take for $%$%^$$%^^%$%% ever to go through. Those of us that fly a lot just want to slap you stupid, oh yah, you are already there. 5. When getting on the plane, you can not fit a 6 cubic foot square bag into a 3 cubic foot round storage compartment. Do not move my stuff, don't look at me for help because you are a dumb ass. My furry little butt just does not care. 6. People that want to talk on

I need to get out more. 30 States (58%) And yes, I have driven to most of them, or at least I have rented a car and drove around them. create your own visited states map

Total Miles: 800 Stops at StarBucks: 6 Air Miles: 1800 miles Highlights: Alice Coopers Coopertown. Night out with the Region, Listing to captain Canada and Fluffy get into it about MSDS sheets. Coming home. Low points: Dealing with bitch boy and his lap dog all week. Getting up at 3am to go to the airport. Towns I've been in this week: Phoenix, AZ. LA, CA. and surrounding area. Portland, OR.

Four jobs you have had in your life: 1. Western Regional Trainer-Towing Products 2. NAPA Auto Parts, independent owner 3. Jaguar, Saab, Rolls Royce, Bentley, Parts sales 4. Semi-Truck driver Four movies you would watch over and over: 1. Anything Monty Python 2. Mad Max 3. Animal House 4. The Outlaw Jose Wales Four places you have lived: 1. LA, California 2. Auburn, WA. 3. Wilsonville, OR. 4. Tigard, OR. Four TV shows you love to watch: 1. Buffy the Vampire Slayer 2. Star Trek 3. Farscape 4. Benny Hill Four places you have been on vacation: 1. Rogue 2. Illinois 3. Snake 4. The White Salmon Four websites I visit daily: 1. http://www.memorylaneclassiccars.com/ 2. http://www.automobilemag.com/ 3. http://www.ichotelsgroup.com/h/d/hi/1/en/home 4. http://www.pubcrawler.com/Template/index.cfm Four of my favorite foods: 1.Bread 2.Shrimp 3.sushi 4.Real, and I mean REAL Irish Bread Pudding Four places I would rather be right now: 1. Rogue River 2. Rogue Pub 3. Illinois River 4. White River