RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE 1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.............She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays. 2. We also sleep in separate beds............Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas 3. I take my wife everywhere...........but she keeps finding her way back. 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said...........So I suggested the kitchen. 5. We always hold hands...........If I let go, she shops. 6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair. 7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.' 8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days........Then the mud...
Imperial Hamster Minister of Automotive Affairs, Vice Arch-Prefect for Brewing Affairs & Deputy Chief Inspector of Ales, Member of the Privy Council