RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.............She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds............Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas
3. I take my wife everywhere...........but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said...........So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands...........If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!'
So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'
8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days........Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for the garbage?'
The driver said, 'No, jump in!'
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months............I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though................My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?'
I said, 'Dust!'
Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it........these were the good old days when humor was just clean and simple fun.
And he always ended his programs with the words, 'God Bless'
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.............She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds............Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas
3. I take my wife everywhere...........but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said...........So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands...........If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!'
So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'
8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days........Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for the garbage?'
The driver said, 'No, jump in!'
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months............I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though................My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?'
I said, 'Dust!'
Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it........these were the good old days when humor was just clean and simple fun.
And he always ended his programs with the words, 'God Bless'
Comments
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
Wait for it...
Here it comes...
Don't shoot till you see the whites of their eyes!
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
Thanks, I'll be here all week, tip your waitress and try the veal.
DG
:)
(Then again, I've been so busy I haven't visited anyones blog in a week except for your wifes... so what do I know? LOL)
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1091777/posts
"The Good Wife's Guide"
It's almost like it should have come from the Onion.
Meritt, he wil blog again when he is no longer grounded . . .
DG